Abandoned bras. Abandoned the hairdryer. Abandoned face wash. Abandoned razors. Abandoned any clothing without an elasticated waistband and three way stretch.

Contributed significantly to Uniqlo’s ability to stay afloat in these UNPRECEDENTED times.

Swept the floor by the back door constantly but still the crap accumulated there every day.

Justified my mood swings as a symptom of the lockdown, but had to acknowledge that actually they weren’t that different to usual and maybe I was just naturally moody.

Saw lots of tiny birds gathering bits of fluff to build their nests.

Listened to (AKA tried to block out) my children who have now extended their ‘things to argue about’ beyond any previously known categories. You almost have to admire the ingenuity and dedication to be honest.

Pitied my neighbours who had to listen to all the back garden bickering that goes on, normally climaxing into full on, screaming hysterics just as they start to relax on their patio at 6 o’clock with a cigarette and a gin and tonic. Don’t even get me started on what they must hear through the walls.

Lay on my back on the grass a lot and looked at the sky. Noticed the lilac opening and watched that yellow rose I love blooming.

Noticed bird song and sirens as the only sounds in the air, apart from when I wasn’t drowning them out with thrashing rock n roll.

Talked to Jen about navigating the world on online dating during lockdown. Clearly none of the men are good enough, but that’s a discussion for another time. On a first date with a man one night they thought a game of online scrabble would break the ice. She was the first player and placed her word on the board: DILDO (16 points). He blocked her. As I said – not good enough.

Left the house twice. Complained about my neck and shoulders.

Barbecued.

Wrote things down when I thought of them.

Averaged 10 bottles of soda water a week. 

Upgraded my wine glasses. Funny, isn’t it, the things that start to feel like essential items? I’ve always been happy to neck it out of almost anything before now.

Wore lighter colours than usual.

Talked incessantly about the weather, boring even myself. Referred to “good drying days” and found some spiritual connection between the glorious weather and the times we find ourselves in, even though I find the very idea of some higher power preposterous. 

Got more excited by the post than I have since I was 15. Thank you to everyone who has made the brilliant stuff I’ve bought, or sent me great things.

Listed to the B.C. Camplight record on repeat – an American male voice singing about Manchester really does it for me.

Read and would recommend this week

1. Roald Dahl stories for adults – Switch Bitch particularly good if your concentration is shot at the moment.

2. Exciting Times. Naoise Dolan really does “strain everything for its meaning” in the most perfect way. 

A plea: if anyone can recommend any exciting young male fiction then please comment and let me know.

Retracted my earlier criticism of the BBC’s sadistic weekly release of Killing Eve when they unleashed the wonder that is Normal People all at once. I never thought they could make the interior world of the book work on screen, but they have. Demolished it and will probably watch it all again this week *flame emoji

Top 5 meals with no more than 3 components, ranked by how often I’ve eaten them in the past 5 weeks

1. Boiled eggs (2), sourdough, butter (tonnes)

2. Whole block of Saint Agur cheese, Carr’s water biscuits. Simple.

3. Pickled herring, rye, cornichons

4. Udon noodles, sachet of instant miso, gyoza from the freezer

5. Sausage (chipolatas if you ask me), mash, gravy (proper though, no nonsense)

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